New Casa

Thank you all for praying for us and for your kind words about the loss of our baby. It makes all the difference. We feel loved.

Overall, we are doing well. In some weird ways, better than ever. Death is sobering.

As I've physically healed, my heart has followed. It's just sad - Stephen and I keep saying. And it will always be there. But even now, just a few weeks out, God is supernaturally providing healing, encouragement, and the peace that passes understanding. I'm grateful.

Also, it's good to be back to reality - fixing meals, yelling at my kids, scrubbing toilets. Thank you Lord for the mundane work before me! I have a new appreciation for regular ol' Tuesdays.

Work is therapeutic.

Another turn of events for us....we bought a new house! This is such a happy thing for our little fam. The deal was a short sale (and there was nothing short about it). We have been pursuing this house for over a year, officially had a contract on it for 9 months, and finally closed on June 6th - the day we left the hospital after the miscarriage.

Losing a baby and buying a house are in two entirely different categories as life events go, but the timing was incredible. This happy, longed for thing happened on our darkest day. You can't plan that. It was providential.

The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD Job 1:21

New house has 3 fire places and a HUGE yard. We are re-doing the kitchen and it is located on the end of a long cul-de-sac which is perfect for riding bikes. Also, several of our friends live within walking distance. Praise Jesus for new beginnings!

This God - His way is perfect

I saw it before the ultrasound tech said anything - there was no heartbeat.

She typed "I'm sorry" on the screen and then walked my 3 year old Laurie out of the room so I could have a few minutes alone.

At 14 weeks, we learned our baby was gone. I had zero symptoms that anything was wrong.

Our hearts are heavy.

But we know that life and death are the Lord's. We are grateful for the three beautiful children we have and the uneventful pregnancies that preceded their births. We are hopeful about the future. We are hopeful in the One who holds the future.

A couple of Sundays ago, the first line of the first hymn we sang, "O Father, You are sovereign
In all the worlds You made;" Stephen and I fought back hot tears. Later I told him I wasn't crying over the loss as much as being brought deeper into understanding God's existence, Christ's work on the cross, and His conquering of death. We grieve but we are not without hope.

This God- His way is perfect;
the word of the Lord proves true;
he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.
Psalm 18:30 

A few resources that have meant a lot to me in these sad weeks.... 

I'm listening to Tim Keller's book Walking with God through Pain and Suffering. I got this book because I wanted to "speak good and deep truths to myself" in this season of acute grief. I recommend it to anyone.

Stephen's first cousin and his wife had an extremely similar experience as us (4th baby, late miscarriage) and he wrote a super insightful article for the Gospel Coalition blog : How to Mourn with the Parents of Stillborn and Miscarried Children. 

The Psalms. If you are hurting, pick the Psalms over Google 10 out of 10 times.

C.S. Lewis quote: Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.